Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
