Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
