Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
