Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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