She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
