Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
