so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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