There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
