When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
