My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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