I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
