I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
