I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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