I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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