i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
