it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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