Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
