Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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