he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
