i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
