mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
