i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
