I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
