The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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