you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
