the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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