I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
