im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
