yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
