i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"