Quick, to the slutcave!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.