If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.