honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair