i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.