and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
