im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
