I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
