I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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