Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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