do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
