you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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