dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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