Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
