I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
