last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
