I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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