Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
