i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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