I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
