You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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