So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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