Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
