i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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