Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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