My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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