she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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