She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
two words...techno handjob
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
