watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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