OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't deserve a penis
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
