I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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