We're like a lot better than the average bears
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
