What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
