just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
